Why is it so damn hard for us?
If you’re a high achieving woman like myself I’m going to take a wild guess and say it’s HARD for you to fully let your guard down 100%, and have “fun.”
Without worrying about your email.
Without feeling guilty that you didn’t do ‘X’ yet.
Without feeling like you didn’t “earn it yet.”
We are talking REAL, full “normal person” fun.
OMG! WHAT IS THAT?!
When people asked me what I did for FUN I used to say…
Work? Work is fun.
Hangout with friends?
But you and I both know that even during those activities there’s this not-so-tiny part in the back of your head that’s still spinning, whirring, and always SLIGHTLY panicking about something —
You really don’t deserve to have fun yet, do you?
You need to look more like ‘her’ if you want to REALLY have fun.
You should probably be working instead of this.
You really can’t enjoy this food unless you burn it off tomorrow.
You delay and delay and delay your gratification for EONS, saying you’ll have fun only “once you do X.”
But really, that full 100% FUN never seems to arrive does it?
We always feel a little guilty, and AWKWARD as FUCK when we try to have “fun.”
WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR US?
Well, for one, we are SO USED to delaying gratification that once we finally hit our goals, it’s a super disconcerting feeling.
“OMG! WTF is this feeling?”
“I feel empty inside.”
“On to the next thing to stress out about.”
Our bodies really aren’t USED to feeling the sensation of “safety,” of letting our guard down for this thing that normal people call “fun” and “relaxation.”
We’ve conditioned our bodies to be WIRED for ‘fear’ mode, wired to constantly be chasing, goal hitting, achieving, striving, and never settling.
Always on the prowl for the next thing to do | be | accomplish.
So the feeling of being “safe,” having “fun” is NOT a normal sensation for us.
As soon as we feel the feeling of “fun” and “safety,” we get scared and we start obsessing again…
About our bodies.
About how we ‘“really shouldn’t be doing” this because it’s bad to have fun like this.
We LOVE to compartmentalize fun, because it feels safer — I’m only allowed to have fun at THIS TIME, at THIS PLACE, between THESE exact hours! Until then I’m not allowed to have fun!
Our minds are EFFED with limiting beliefs like —
> No pain no gain
> I’m not allowed to have fun until X
> Having fun is a bad thing.
> I can’t have fun unless I’m a size X
> I didn’t “earn it” so I don’t deserve it.
> Having fun means I’ve let my guard down / I’ve settled and turned into one of “those people” who doesn’t work hard and just plays all the time, and I couldn’t possible be successful if I do THAT!
If you think about this, how MESSED UP is this?
You literally are blocking yourself from experiencing the sensations of pleasure, of being free, of being fully ALIVE and conscious in life.
Look girlfriend: This quality of striving | achieving is what got you to where you are today, but if you can’t tell by now, it’s not what’s going to bring you HAPPINESS in your life.
Do you REALLY want to live like this?
Unable to enjoy life, and walking around with this constant, lingering feeling of panic | ‘omg what if this’ in the back of your mind at all times?
I lived like this for years and it sucked.
I had eating disorders, worried about my business constantly, and just never could feel happy, no matter what level of success I achieved.
It wasn’t until I shattered my limiting beliefs around “fun,” that I was able to finally feel happy with my life, my business, and even my body… and of COURSE have success flow to me with ease because of who I am as a human being (and same with you if you’re reading this), not because I am stressed and worried about it all the time.
I want you to really embody the following beliefs:
> You don’t need to EARN FUN, it’s your BIRTHRIGHT in your life as a human being to feel alive on this planet.
> You are ALLOWED to have fun AND be wildly, crazy successful in your life. You do not need to choose between them.
> It is safe to let your guard down and have FUN.
In fact the ONLY way to achieve massive, true success in your life is to drill these new beliefs into your head, starting NOW.
To me “success” is the “achievements,” obviously — making a big impact, having a great body, making a lot of money — But ALSO the but also the “happiness” part of it.
Achievements are easy for women like us. 🙂 Happiness and fulfillment is actually the hard part.
Today I went to my morning hip hop class and I felt myself slipping into old beliefs again… OMGGG I can’t have fun! This feels weird! But what about WORKKKKK! But I look so stupid!
The thing with dance is, the second you take your attention off your body, you lose your spot with the music.
I had to slap my self back into it and remember I am ALLOWED to have fun. It is safe to have fun. I want to enjoy myself.
Here is my GUIDE for you to have fun:
- First, give yourself PERMISSION to have fun. Actually allow yourself to fully trust that the world will not end and you will not turn into a slacker forever if you take one day off. You don’t need to EARN FUN, it’s your BIRTHRIGHT in your life as a human being to feel alive on this planet. We need to un-learn all this “pain is gain” “but I’m not allowed to” bullshit that has been wired in our brains since we were young.
- PRACTICE having “fun.” Literally, you need to practice what this sensation feels like IN YOUR BODY. Find an activity that allows you to relax and immerse your body and mind fully in it. This is why I am doing hip hop dance DAILY now, because I’m training myself to FULLY slip into the mode of being present, being enough, allowing the feelings of safety + FUN to take over my body.
- Explore what you’re limiting beliefs are around “fun” and question them. Why do you feel you can’t be successful and have FUN at the same time? Where were you taught this? What does “success” really mean to you? OK, well what you actually want to believe about fun instead? YOU CREATE your life with your thoughts.
It’s a complete bogus myth that HAPPINESS, feeling fulfilled, and feeling alive has to come at the expense of SUCCESS, money, leadership, and accomplishments.
If you want to believe this be my guest. But my clients and I are going to have them both, because we want it all in our lives AND wewant to be happy doing it.
Because really, life is meant to be lived. FULLY.
Not in a half-panicked, constantly worrying state, but FULLY ALIVE, conscious, and fulfilled every single day.
That is what true “success” is to me.
If you agree with this or resonated send me a DM on Instagram! 🙂
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Those few moments after a binge… are a few of the worst moments of your entire life.medium.com